When I was growing up as a daughter of the United States southland in the 1970s and ‘80’s, women’s liberation was somewhat slow to catch up to our geographic region.
One of the long-standing behavioral dicta aimed squarely at the female gender that pervaded everyday culture hinged on the expectation of girls and women to demonstrate a steady stream of graciousness, kindness, deference, diplomacy and pleasing social demeanor – even if quite clearly we were confronted with the categorical-opposite treatment from a third party.
“Smile! It increases your ‘face-value’,” was a common refrain, captured famously by Dolly Parton’s line in the film “Steel Magnolias.”
While it was particularly important for a woman to “keep her face on straight” in the powder-puff category, if someone slapped her across her face figuratively (or perhaps even literally), the Biblical ethic was clear: turn the other cheek so that they might slap the other one as well. To do otherwise (i.e., to fight back) was deemed “coarse” or “un-ladylike.”
I recently stumbled upon a video that my parents still possessed, stored away from my early-career archive, of a presentation that I and a group of BCW Global (then known as Burson-Marsteller / Cohn & Wolfe) interns presented to PR industry legend Harold Burson and the Burson brass in early August 1993 in New York, as we wrapped up our summer internships.
I posted a short snippet of it on Twitter, and I couldn’t help but be taken by the tonality and even body language of my former self, nearly 30 years ago.
Apart from my obvious nervousness and lack of self-confidence due to inexperience, the sound of my voice back then – compared to now – seemed wrapped up in a gauzy haze of southern deference.
Fast-forward to 2021, and I’m reminded of another famous line from “Steel Magnolias” – only this one as a classic deadpan from the battle-axe character played by Shirley MacLaine: “I’m not as sweet as I used to be.”
Today, that’s squarely where I am – or, shall I say, where I have evolved.
Over three decades, I’ve dealt with glass ceilings, sticky floors, sexual harassment, gender discrimination, gender pay-gaps, deadbeat clients who left unpaid invoices (and my payroll obligations) high-and-dry, workplace disloyalties, a Great Recession, routine gaslighting, occasional threats, and – for the past five years – a deeply intense battle with a group that was supposed to have its members’ backs… but instead has taken to lying to their faces, amid condescending public lamentations about my own “civility” and likability.
All of these experiences and travails have involved issues of ethics – what’s right, what’s wrong, what’s accurate, what’s an unapologetic lie, and the daily angsts and vexations over which hill I was willing to die on, on any particular day.
Long-gone is the daughter of Southern Charm and the rather sweet voice that once demurely intoned to Harold Burson, “Yes, sir,” when he asked if I wanted his business.
Today, the lower register of my voice, the expressions on my face and the modes of what I say and how I say it are all-too-often of a metaphorical “Don’t bring a knife to a gun-fight” ilk (no actual violence intended) than kowtowing to the notion that I should tip-toe on egg-shells around the pleasantries of how not to offend a third party who clearly is ripping me off – and ripping off others, about whom I care deeply.
While the meek may indeed inherit the earth in the spiritual hereafter, here on Planet Earth in the land of the living, there are certain practicalities of advocacy required in taking stands against bad faith, dubious intent, and all-out corruption.
As we close #PRethics Month, I feel gratitude toward the PRCA, which didn’t hesitate to adopt this year’s thematic mantra of “Speak Up for PR Ethics,” the moment it was suggested.
I appreciate everyone who shared their ideas and commentary this month – and I urge us to carry their ideas and inspirations with us, year-round, as we confront real challenges, in real-time, in the real world.
Mary Beth West, MPRCA (@marybethwest) is co-chair of the PRCA’s Ethics Council and a member of the PRCA Global Advisory Board.